“I’m learning that everything doesn’t always come back the way you send it. Sometimes, love is more brick and less boomerang.”
Rudy Francisco
Every relationship has its quirks and challenges. One person might be an extrovert and the other, an introvert. Someone might be enthusiastic about pop culture while the other person prefers international news.
During the honeymoon phase of the relationship, these differences are oftentimes overlooked or jokingly referred to as ‘cute’. But what happens after the love chemicals wear off? When cute becomes frustrating, what sort of conflict resolutions do you adopt? Simply put, you lead with acceptance. Here’s what that looks like:
In the book, The Power of the Four A’s, relationship motivators Greg and Cheryl Clarke goes into depth about the importance of acceptance. The text guides readers step-by-step on how acceptance starts with self and extends itself in your relationships. These actionable steps include the following:
1. Monitor Your Silent Expectations
Silent expectations are unspoken thoughts and feelings of how you think things should be. They can lead to feelings of resentment and unhappiness in your relationship. To combat silent expectations, try doing a self-check-in and ask yourself if you shared your desires with your partner and they agreed to be more intentional? If yes, then a follow-up conversation needs to happen. If not, then a conversation around both your desires should occur.
2. Monitor Your Negative Spin Cycle Thoughts
If during a disagreement you find yourself using absolute phrases such as ‘you always…’ or ‘you never,’ or if you begin thinking these thoughts repeatedly, try taking a pause. Negativity can show up as a form of protection. To better assist you in switching the narrative of these thoughts, try replacing them with a positive aspect you enjoy or appreciate about your partner.
3. Monitor Living in the Present
If you are holding on to a painful experience or memory you have of your partner you are living in the past. Holding on to mistakes as evidence to prove a point doesn’t give the relationship or your partner room to grow. If you find yourself triggered by something your partner says or does, acknowledge your feelings and try to shift your thoughts to the present. Think about how he/she has tried to change and grow.
4. Monitor how you are Showing Empathy
When tensions are high, try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes. Pause and ask yourself, “Am I truly hearing what he/she is saying?” Consider what they need at the moment and offer it to him/her.
Relationships can be challenging. They take effort and intentionality to be successful and long-lasting. When couples unite, greatness is bound to happen. To learn more about the four A’s and how to take your relationship to the next level, check out this page.