Season 1 | Episode 1: Couple specialists, Greg and Cheryl Clarke discuss the topic of unspoken expectations in a relationship. They share how they overcame these expectations and how it helped their marriage.

About The Podcast

The Couple Motivators podcast helps motivate couples on how to work together as a unit in their relationships and finances. Hosts, husband and wife duo, Greg & Cheryl Clarke, share their own stories and challenges and share some of the steps they took to overcome hurdles in their relationship over the past 30 years.

You can also listen to the podcast on Spotify or Anchor.

Transcript

00:00:26:17 – 00:00:28:20

Cheryl Clarke

Well, I’m Cheryl Clarke.

00:00:28:23 – 00:00:32:15

Gregory Clarke

I’m Gregory Clarke, and welcome to the Couple Motivators podcast.

00:00:32:22 – 00:00:40:08

Cheryl Clarke

We’re super excited since our first podcast that we’re doing. Oh my goodness. I am excited to have you with me.

00:00:40:13 – 00:00:45:19

Gregory Clarke

I’m excited to have you with me. Not only in this podcast, but as a partner in life.

00:00:45:22 – 00:00:50:06

Cheryl Clarke

Oh, pitter patter. Pitter patter.

00:00:50:15 – 00:01:05:06

Gregory Clarke

Oh, my goodness. And it’s interesting that we’ve gotten to this stage in our life that we’re able to help others and motivate others, and especially when it comes around expectations. And sometimes our expectations may lie in certain relationships.

00:01:05:06 – 00:01:30:10

Cheryl Clarke

Yeah. So if you don’t know anything about Greg and I, let’s talk a little bit about who we are. This is our very first podcast that we’re actually doing. We are OG’s in this game. I guess we can say. We are from the Boogie Down Bronx, you know, we met when we were young and I was 15 when I met you.

00:01:30:10 – 00:01:31:11

Cheryl Clarke

That was a long time.

00:01:31:11 – 00:01:33:21

Gregory Clarke

But at 15, that is a long story.

00:01:34:01 – 00:02:01:18

Cheryl Clarke

That’s a long story. We’ll get into that story a little later. But yeah, I was 15, so we grew up together. Childhood sweethearts and six children. Young adults now. They’re awfully young adults and two homes and bankruptcy ups and downs. And we’re here together over 30 years together and 27 years married.

00:02:01:23 – 00:02:10:09

Gregory Clarke

Amen. Well, that’s the Cliff Notes version, and now we’re going to get into expectations. What would you say about expectations in a relationship?

00:02:10:15 – 00:02:31:04

Cheryl Clarke

Well, I’ll say this. The expectations in our relationship is important because silent expectation is the thing that kills relationship. And a lot of couples don’t realize that that is the key to keeping any marriage together. And we have to learn that out the hard way.

00:02:31:14 – 00:02:40:12

Gregory Clarke

So that means think about that as we’re going through this conversation in regards to how silent expectations can be a killer in your relationship.

00:02:40:15 – 00:03:05:01

Cheryl Clarke

Yeah. I remember if we’re saying silent expectation for us to be transparent. The silent expectation that we came in with is that I was supposed to be the person to make sure that, you know, the children was taking care of everything, was, you know, around the house and things of that nature.

00:03:05:13 – 00:03:32:05

Cheryl Clarke

And then when it shifted a little bit that even though I still did that, that part, but when it became heavy, is that Greg job required him to be out of the home for so many hours. So the expectations for me to just be that person at home, it became tough on us in our relationship.

00:03:32:05 – 00:03:48:13

Gregory Clarke

I would say during that time it was very arduous because as you stated, me being outside the home and then sometimes just coming home for a pit stop, just close my eyes for a little bit before it was time to go back out on the road.

00:03:48:13 – 00:03:49:00

Cheryl Clarke

00:03:50:08 – 00:04:10:06

Gregory Clarke

At times, almost during that time it became like, you were almost I wouldn’t say a single parent, but you were actualizing like a single parent, even though you did have assistance. But when it came to the day to day operations and the managing of the children and things of that nature, in some ways you were doing that by yourself.

00:04:10:08 – 00:04:39:16

Cheryl Clarke

Yeah. And the expectation of when we grew up together was just so that’s when our friction started really happening. Because since we are parents of six, my mother lived in the home and we really struggled with having the opportunity to grow with each other and that expectation. Oh, girl. Cheryl, you’re supposed to do that. Or, Greg you are supposed to do that.

00:04:39:18 – 00:04:46:08

Cheryl Clarke

And and then I didn’t I started to do the business. And then it became it became lopsided. Lopsided.

00:04:46:08 – 00:05:15:08

Gregory Clarke

And convoluted. That’s the best word to call it. It became very, very convoluted. And but one of the things that I can I can be attest to that I give you credit for was that you were able to navigate during some of those situations that were presented to you. And that’s when it moved from being a silent expectation. How do you move from that silent expectation into being able to be a person who can navigate through it?

00:05:15:08 – 00:05:41:05

Gregory Clarke

And so as we talk about this conversations, think about that, that some of those silent expectations that may have occurred in your own relationship as well, and the body of what you were able to accomplish between being an entrepreneur or between being a mother of six, between being a daughter and all the other stuff. We’re not going to talk about the spiritual aspect, because that was a whole other load of responsibility and expectation that…

00:05:41:08 – 00:06:10:11

Cheryl Clarke

We all have roles. So when you just named all those roles, you just become how many roles do you really have? You know the roles that we have. He just named five and he didn’t even name woman like woman, daughter, wife, mother. I was running my own business and it became and then he had his own roles. So he had Gregory was a father, a husband, a minister.

00:06:11:09 – 00:06:18:01

Cheryl Clarke

He then he ran a whole media department in the church, and he was the bishop assistant. I mean.

00:06:18:09 – 00:06:26:09

Gregory Clarke

And just like you said with me, you forgot to say, man exactly. Thoughts from man.

00:06:26:10 – 00:06:49:15

Cheryl Clarke

Because this whole thing, when we’re looking at how we transition and so many, we will live. And then we didn’t have a good role model. And thank God for our pastors because they kind of like helped us a little bit because we both from single parent homes. So we really didn’t have the expectations that we went into marriage.

00:06:50:08 – 00:06:52:10

Gregory Clarke

Oh no, that wouldn’t have worked for too long.

00:06:52:10 – 00:06:54:18

Cheryl Clarke

To have our expectations. Well, we.

00:06:54:18 – 00:07:01:04

Gregory Clarke

Now well we did have those conversations. I mean, those those afternoons and conversations. Yes.

00:07:02:00 – 00:07:02:22

Cheryl Clarke

We not going to do that.

00:07:03:12 – 00:07:05:02

Gregory Clarke

But certain people were watching, I.

00:07:05:02 – 00:07:05:11

Cheryl Clarke

Don’t think.

00:07:05:15 – 00:07:29:09

Gregory Clarke

Of us was yeah, we conversate in between other stuff. But anyway we did conversate and we did those, those, those afternoon and weekends and things of that nature. When we started jotting down certain things that we had wish for the type of life that we wished to create and through that I would say we met those obligations and then some because initially we wanted to have four kids.

00:07:29:09 – 00:07:56:11

Gregory Clarke

We ended up with six. We decided to do certain aspects and things that our parents may not have been able to be expressed in or able for them to do. We were able to accomplish. So I would say that those silent expectations as we started to reach them and meet them became no longer solid. But now we figured out how to navigate and to be in that space of growth.

00:07:56:21 – 00:08:08:16

Gregory Clarke

And if you’re out there, you have to recognize that this is your possibility when you’re developing your relationship. See, we have, you know, over 30 years into this thing and.

00:08:08:20 – 00:08:29:20

Cheryl Clarke

But we have to get help. So let’s let’s let’s let’s talk about that a little bit. So if you are in a relationship or desire to be in a relationship, silent expectations is a killer of relationships. So if you desire to have a healthy relationship, the one thing that we tell you to do first is be aware of you.

00:08:30:15 – 00:08:44:22

Cheryl Clarke

Be aware of how you can begin to move and navigate through your experience with this person. Because if you don’t recognize that you’re with someone and then you eat your words. So Gregory was the eater of his words.

00:08:44:23 – 00:08:46:03

Gregory Clarke

Oh, I ate them all day.

00:08:46:04 – 00:08:46:15

Cheryl Clarke

His word.

00:08:47:01 – 00:08:51:11

Gregory Clarke

I had a smorgasbord. I was I was I was in the steak house every day.

00:08:51:11 – 00:09:14:19

Cheryl Clarke

I was in a steakhouse and I scraped my words. So I screamed my words out. He ate his words, swept his words. And this wasn’t working. So when you are having those moments, the first thing we tell you to do is get someone that doesn’t have any stake in the game in your relationship. So we started to get outside.

00:09:15:00 – 00:09:24:17

Cheryl Clarke

We went to our pastors as well, and then we went and we had we saw a therapist and she kind of got us back on track.

00:09:25:02 – 00:09:25:12

Gregory Clarke

Yes.

00:09:26:06 – 00:09:31:01

Cheryl Clarke

In regards to where we were going, because at that point and

00:09:31:01 – 00:09:32:10

Gregory Clarke

How to respect each other’s role.

00:09:32:10 – 00:09:53:20

Cheryl Clarke

Exactly. Oh, that’s important because we have roles. But also the roles did change because at some point the children grew up. At some point I grew up in some point that you grew up and we were young and some things do not stay the same. If you not have an evolution in your relationship, it can die.

00:09:54:21 – 00:09:56:21

Gregory Clarke

That is so true. That is I.

00:09:56:21 – 00:09:57:12

Cheryl Clarke

Think that’s.

00:09:57:13 – 00:10:37:03

Gregory Clarke

That’s a great segue way. I mean, when you think about the and that leads us into other areas and other thoughts that we deal with, not only we as a couple, but those out there deal with as a couple. And especially when it comes to finances, when it comes to things that’s dealing with, you know, that that major part and at times, you know, and you said something that that I have to resonate with in regards to the fact that we all came into, you know, different areas and different exposures based upon our environment and our environments, our respective environments developed certain scripts within us.

00:10:37:13 – 00:10:49:19

Gregory Clarke

And part of that was how we dealt with money, how we thought about money, how we were going to come together and build a family and recognize it’s not just about your money or my money, but what we’re doing for our.

00:10:50:02 – 00:11:03:21

Cheryl Clarke

Well, let’s be honest. So money in relationships. Who talks about that? Do you talk about money? Listen, do you talk about money in your relationship? Most people say no, however.

00:11:04:09 – 00:11:07:04

Gregory Clarke

Because they get enamored with all the lovey dovey imagery.

00:11:07:04 – 00:11:11:10

Cheryl Clarke

But what happens is you can’t live without the money and you can’t live.

00:11:11:10 – 00:11:17:01

Gregory Clarke

Without the money. And even that you have a money script that’s ruling the way that you navigate with money.

00:11:17:01 – 00:11:48:05

Cheryl Clarke

Exactly. I remember when we first got together, I had did some college. And so back in the day, let me show you. Back in the day. That was my thought, because back in the day what happened was let me tell you, back in the day. So I went to BMCC, but back in the hood in Manhattan and now I am finished up, but they’re not going anywhere.

00:11:48:05 – 00:11:58:04

Cheryl Clarke

I was in BMCC, and I remember the first day I was on campus because you really had to fly, get that and fly clothes and stuff like that.

00:11:59:02 – 00:12:05:02

Gregory Clarke

Oh, that’s why. Because you did go to a Catholic school, so you didn’t get that experience. But that’s not really going.

00:12:05:12 – 00:12:05:17

Cheryl Clarke

To.

00:12:05:17 – 00:12:10:09

Gregory Clarke

Fly. No, that had uniform. I didn’t get a chance to get fly.

00:12:10:09 – 00:12:11:10

Cheryl Clarke

Met Me with that uniform.

00:12:11:10 – 00:12:17:07

Gregory Clarke

And that is true. That’s true. But that’s but that’s true. That was that was the whole money script right there. But anyways, I.

00:12:17:08 – 00:12:33:12

Cheryl Clarke

Forgot that what you write because I want you to fall. But anyway, so when I was at BMCC before you got into the campus and it was a long way up there, all of the sides of it were.

00:12:33:12 – 00:12:34:11

Gregory Clarke

Waiting for you boy.

00:12:34:11 – 00:12:43:00

Cheryl Clarke

It was credit card companies. It was one credit card after the other. After the other. And guess what I did?

00:12:43:03 – 00:12:44:04

Gregory Clarke

You started getting credit cards.

00:12:45:01 – 00:13:08:15

Cheryl Clarke

I signed up for each credit card company. I had no idea what the heck I was doing. I signed up because my mother did not have that conversation with me. My mother didn’t have any conversation with me about credit cards, credit or anything like that. And I remember signing up with these credit cards and I never forget it.

00:13:09:05 – 00:13:35:20

Cheryl Clarke

We got married and you said, Cheryl, I don’t know how we get this conversation about. I wanted to do something. I wanted to do a course and I wanted to do a course, and I couldn’t get the loan. And my husband was like, What’s your credit score now? My husband’s credit score was like it was like it was in the high sevens right out of the high sevens.

00:13:35:20 – 00:13:46:01

Cheryl Clarke

And back in the day he was like pristine. And he was like, What’s your credit score? And I was like, I don’t know what my credit score is.

00:13:46:01 – 00:13:48:14

Gregory Clarke

And lo and behold, the whole lo and behold.

00:13:48:14 – 00:13:57:18

Cheryl Clarke

So Clarke, Clarke, ran up on my credit and I had so much debt, I never paid the credit card bill.

00:13:58:06 – 00:14:12:18

Gregory Clarke

What it was that she had a lot of defaults. Sometimes I go through like we have too many defaults in our money script. And what happened was when we started to investigate these defaults that she was having, we recognized that we had to help her correct it.

00:14:13:03 – 00:14:14:15

Cheryl Clarke

Whether you have a default.

00:14:14:15 – 00:14:24:07

Gregory Clarke

Well, you know, when you have a default, that means you have and what that means is on that space and that that that that that area of collection area.

00:14:24:07 – 00:14:35:02

Cheryl Clarke

Oh that that was an area either there was a collect other how many of let’s keep it real how many people grew up in a house that when you don’t answer the phone don’t you answer.

00:14:35:02 – 00:14:36:11

Gregory Clarke

That phone and that’s the money.

00:14:36:21 – 00:14:48:04

Cheryl Clarke

Money script. How many people in the phone ring as a creditor, they say, what does your mother or father say to you? I don’t answer that for who was that, what was quality or what what about the caller ID back in the day?

00:14:48:05 – 00:15:04:21

Gregory Clarke

But what was even worse, which we’ve experienced, thank God that Cheryl didn’t experience it. But I remember growing up around certain friends where we recognized like, why is the phone in your name and this then the third. So all these different money scripts, it was like a shell game, like how we used to see you on the road.

00:15:04:21 – 00:15:26:21

Gregory Clarke

And as you said, we were from the Bronx and the three card monte man would be there. And you sitting there trying to find the red card and know you’re going to get caught up in it because why you’re thinking you’re not recognizing the responsibility at the end. Yeah. So your money script is so important and what, that, what we learned in our money script was the fact of the matter is once we recognize where Cheryl was had nothing to do with okay Greg is here, Cheryl’s there.

00:15:26:21 – 00:15:39:22

Gregory Clarke

No. If I married her and I had the ability to say, okay, I’m going to be responsible with her, so now we have to start having those conversations. And she had her position and she was working is like, now you got to pay this one down. It paid us one day, you.

00:15:39:22 – 00:15:41:01

Cheryl Clarke

Know, tremendously.

00:15:41:01 – 00:16:09:06

Gregory Clarke

And you know, and and everything else. Because now what we started doing, we started combining our money script wasn’t her money script and my script now was what was the money script that we was going to have as a household? And so as Cheryl started to get herself out of default and started moving in those areas, and then we saw the babies were starting to come, the certain other courses that she was starting to take, we started to recognize part of the money script is how you going to invest and how you’re going to expand on those possibilities.

00:16:09:06 – 00:16:29:00

Gregory Clarke

And then, you know, knowing my way of being diligence, she’s very headstrong in what she’s going for. Some, she’s going to go for someone. She started recognizing she wants to build a particular business. I supported her on the back end because she was taking certain classes, getting the knowledge base, and after that, that started enhancing our money script because now, now.

00:16:29:11 – 00:16:30:08

Cheryl Clarke

Dramatic, it.

00:16:30:08 – 00:16:50:20

Gregory Clarke

Changed dramatically. But what I recognize and even though she references her mother, my mother had conversation with me in relation to money, in regards to how to be a saver and that was good to a point. But then you recognize that scared money doesn’t make money. So you’re always saving and always putting it away, socking away for a rainy day.

00:16:51:03 – 00:17:04:11

Gregory Clarke

There’s understandable. There’s certain things you should have a cushion, but at the same time, there’s certain times of life. Your money script’s going to let you know that sometimes you’ve got to dip into this. Not even dipping into the money is what you have to do is you have to utilize what you have to get, what you wish for.

00:17:04:12 – 00:17:33:01

Cheryl Clarke

Well, you know, there’s a point that you media that that we need to highlight. We live by biblical or spiritual principles in regards to prosperity as well. So we are big on tithing to our church. We’re big on making sure that whatever we get, God get, gets. So this there’s certain principles we believe in that we believe that it’s a law of the land.

00:17:33:08 – 00:17:57:20

Gregory Clarke

And on top of that, which which enhanced our money script was that when we start to do the research, there are individuals who are highly successful individuals who are givers. So when you I’ll leave you with this as a part of your money script, I want this to roll in your mind, whatever that you can attain. If you’re willing to give some of that away, you can recognize how much more can you get back in return.

00:17:58:09 – 00:18:16:14

Gregory Clarke

Because too many times we think to hold on to story and we start to keep stuff, you know, we left squirrel mentality. I’m getting these nuts but winter I’m getting these nuts for the winter and getting these nuts for the winter and then afterwards, okay, what happens when some of those nuts go bad because they were in out their movement, they were no longer part of the tree.

00:18:16:22 – 00:18:42:22

Gregory Clarke

And so when you start to recognize is that your manuscript can be enhanced as you continue to learn and evolve and be in communication with your partner, then those money scripts start to work for you instead of working against you. And so, you know, I got to give you your props in regards to the fact that that young lady I met who had a crazy money script is definitely not the person.

00:18:42:22 – 00:19:07:23

Cheryl Clarke

Well, I’ll just say this too. Well, thank you for giving me my props, because I am the one. Listen, before I pull it, my husband knows me now. Before I pull any trigger onto buying anything, nothing sits in my cart. I have to see where or why, how, what I’m going to do with that money. And I decide and I also have money for that particular thing.

00:19:07:23 – 00:19:21:16

Cheryl Clarke

So you we have bank accounts set up for ourselves and things of that nature. So when you get to know us a little more, we do help couples and relationships. We’re surrounding their money to make money with the money because I make money with my money.

00:19:21:21 – 00:19:44:15

Gregory Clarke

That’s true. And the best person that you can make money with is with your family. And if you recognize the space, it’ll be in further conversations around the legacy and budgeting and credit. And as you know, it’s about developing the processes that some of the conversation that you should have had or probably wasn’t presented because, you know, our community sometimes we don’t talk about stuff like that.

00:19:45:01 – 00:19:59:18

Gregory Clarke

Now we’re about to have those conversations to help you. And as we’re helping you, we’re actually still helping ourselves because whatever you put in communication is alive, it’s living. And as long as we put it in language, then we know how to work the script.

00:20:00:01 – 00:20:13:23

Cheryl Clarke

Yeah. So let’s go to a little couple of questions that we have here. They always ask us. People always ask us, how did we last so long? And our prayer and prayer.

00:20:14:15 – 00:20:24:22

Gregory Clarke

Yes, prayer. Prayer! I got nothing else to give you. I’m not going to talk about the houses. I’m not going to talk about the money that we’ve explained. I give prayer.

00:20:24:23 – 00:20:55:03

Cheryl Clarke

I can give them something else besides prayer, communication. So people say, What does that look like? Communication looks like it is a partnership when you are communicating. And I had to learn his style of communication and he had to learn mine. So you may not match in your communication, but you have to recognize how you can communicate effectively.

00:20:56:09 – 00:21:04:01

Cheryl Clarke

We did not have a great communication. I don’t think that we had great communication in the very beginning. I think we did well.

00:21:04:01 – 00:21:36:18

Gregory Clarke

I would say we did. And then when we started to really become aware of the life that we were building, that’s when that’s when there were breakdowns in the key with the well, I even put that on the children. We started to evolve and what happened was there were times that our communication would break down because you may have been looking at me in the lens and I may have been looking at you at a lens that wasn’t workable because at the fact, as we were still progressively growing, we were we still haven’t even fully arrived yet.

00:21:36:18 – 00:22:00:15

Gregory Clarke

We’re at a space now where we’re actually blessed to be a blessing, because now that we’ve been able to navigate those different areas. And that’s why it’s good that you brought communication along with me saying prayer because you have to have faith and you have to talk. So faith and talking, see, faith is when there’s not a Bible study, but you know, faith without works is a dead thing.

00:22:00:15 – 00:22:07:03

Gregory Clarke

So you have to be in action. So with the communication mixed with the prayer, that’s how we’ve been able to last so long.

00:22:07:10 – 00:22:23:02

Cheryl Clarke

Yeah. And another question that we got that they want to know, I was we always talk about being out of like with each other. And so the question was, what does it mean to be out of like with each other? This is a big one.

00:22:23:05 – 00:22:24:05

Gregory Clarke

That is a major.

00:22:24:08 – 00:22:25:13

Cheryl Clarke

A major year one.

00:22:26:09 – 00:22:28:15

Gregory Clarke

So that’s what led us to go to therapy.

00:22:28:15 – 00:22:35:12

Cheryl Clarke

Exactly. So what happened was, is that we loved each other, but we did not like each other.

00:22:35:12 – 00:22:36:04

Gregory Clarke

Oh, no.

00:22:36:04 – 00:22:43:19

Cheryl Clarke

We did not. We couldn’t stand each other. No, I did not like him. And he did not like me.

00:22:43:19 – 00:22:50:09

Gregory Clarke

No, sorry. She’d walk in a room and be like, No, I’m going out.

00:22:50:09 – 00:22:55:22

Cheryl Clarke

Yeah. And this is where when you are at the point where you don’t like each other anymore.

00:22:56:08 – 00:22:57:17

Gregory Clarke

Seek help.

00:22:58:15 – 00:23:07:08

Cheryl Clarke

Seek help. Because the only way that you can begin to fall back in life with each other is that you recognize something is broken.

00:23:08:02 – 00:23:26:11

Gregory Clarke

And not even. And I like the fact that you say you find someone who’s neutral because if they don’t have any skin in the game, that means there’s no reference point for them to play with. They can be as objective as possible to make sure that they’re there to assist the couple to be their best. And that’s where we come in.

00:23:26:20 – 00:23:50:19

Gregory Clarke

You know, there are many couples that we assist. There are many couples that are on our schedule, that we are regardless of their dating, regardless if they’re engaged, because that they’ve been together for ten, 15 years. We have a whole gamut of individuals that we assist. And what’s happening is, is that we recognize is that this is a season in time that not only is this podcast needed, but we’re needed.

00:23:50:19 – 00:24:14:07

Gregory Clarke

And as we are showing up to make sure, especially in our community, that, you know, we want to see black love, we love black love, we love black love. So not saying that we don’t deal with it, we deal with different other communities as well. But I know we know our mandate and we love black love and want to make sure that black love is alive well and kicking.

00:24:14:07 – 00:24:16:08

Gregory Clarke

So what would you say as we’re coming towards.

00:24:16:08 – 00:24:16:15

Cheryl Clarke

This.

00:24:17:04 – 00:24:17:08

Gregory Clarke

The.

00:24:17:10 – 00:24:20:01

Cheryl Clarke

End when when couples unite.

00:24:21:04 – 00:24:24:01

Gregory Clarke

Oh, see, you got to see. When couples unite,

00:24:24:09 – 00:24:28:07

Cheryl Clarke

we come together and stay as one. mm. Peace

00:24:29:18 – 00:24:31:17

Gregory Clarke

Everyone, this is Gregory Clarke, senior.

00:24:31:17 – 00:24:33:01

Cheryl Clarke

And I’m Cheryl Clarke.

00:24:33:07 – 00:24:40:22

Gregory Clarke

And we’re here today to tell you about this dynamic book that we wrote together, which is called The Power of the Four A’s.

00:24:40:23 – 00:25:01:18

Cheryl Clarke

Yeah, the four A’s really helped us in our marriage. And one of the first four A’s is acceptance, appreciation, affection and agreement. You know, this book will help you repair your relationship. It can either help you to thrive in your relationship or if you want to be in a thriving relationship. This is the book.

00:25:02:01 – 00:25:24:02

Gregory Clarke

Well, when you think about this, this book has actually helped save our marriage, which has influence in how we was able to not only save the relationship, but also impact our lives and impact the lives of others. So I wish for you today to take advantage of the opportunity to go to Gregandcherylclarke. com to get your copy of the power to four A’s.

00:25:24:02 – 00:25:50:13

Gregory Clarke

Why? Because you need this book in your library. You need this book as a tone that’s going to help you in the apparatus of your own relationships. So once again, we invite you to go to www.GregandCherylClarke.com today to get your copy of the Power of the Four A’s. Thank you for joining us for this edition of a Couple of Motivators podcast.

00:25:50:13 – 00:25:55:07

Cheryl Clarke

And remember, keep coming weekly because there’s going to be new episodes down the pike.

00:25:55:13 – 00:25:59:20

Gregory Clarke

Remember to add us on your playlist, on your favorite streaming platform.

00:25:59:23 – 00:26:08:11

Cheryl Clarke

And remember, like we always say, here at Couple Motivators: “When couples unite, greatness is bound to happen.”

The post Silent Expectations | The Couple Motivators Podcast appeared first on Greg and Cheryl | Couple Motivators.

Recently, there has been plenty of conversation around how to identify red flags in your relationship on social media. The Dababy and DaniLeigh debacle has reignited the red flags posts on all of our social feeds. And while spotting a red flag is indeed important, there is a more crucial piece to this conversation that’s missing, and that’s the steps you take after identifying a red flag.

So what exactly is a red flag? A red flag can be an undesirable and or potentially dangerous behavior that can lead to an unhealthy relationship or heartbreak. Sometimes red flags can be obvious and other times they can be quite subtle. While violent or aggressive displays are more obvious, an unwillingness to apologize is a subtle behavior and shouldn’t be dismissed.

The next step after spotting a red flag is to consider the type of relationship you’re in. To what extent do you see this relationship? Do you see or want a future with this person? If you want to be with this person, then you must effectively communicate with your partner. Tell them that you’re uncomfortable with their behavior and let them know why. Let them know that you value the longevity of the relationship and that certain changes are required for this to occur. As laid out in The Power of the Four A’s, a new agreement is necessary.

The best way to work through the poor behavior together, so that a boundary isn’t crossed is to teach one another how to better communicate your wants and needs with each other. This can look like “when you do/say X, it makes me Y. Instead, please do A so that B doesn’t happen.” While this isn’t a universal formula, it is a starting point to build and map out your specific agreement.

If you aren’t seeing a potential future with this person, then kindly express to him or her that the relationship is no longer a good fit for you. Explain why you’re not feeling it. Be kind, but firm. Don’t feel the need to make excuses for yourself. Be clear, but not mean or harsh.

Don’t let red flags derail your goal of improving communication with one another and building a healthy relationship together! If you see them early on, there’s plenty of time to work through it lovingly, and you can also go on to build a stronger connection.

If you see red flags in your current relationship or with someone that is new to the scene then talk about it! Don’t shy away from conflict as this will only lead to more problems down the line. Do not be afraid of sharing how you feel with those who matter most to you. If the other person is unwilling to address your concerns, then it’s time to part ways. You deserve a healthy loving relationship, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less!

Good communication is key in any type of relationship whether it’s a friendship, romantic or even business partner. Even when both people are on the same page if there isn’t good communication, they won’t be able to maintain that connection at all times.

The post Red Flags: How to Handle Next Steps After Spotting a Red Flag appeared first on Greg and Cheryl | Couple Motivators.

Gratitude is something that can carry your relationship far. When you feel grateful for the life you are living, good things happen. However, it is important to not only follow gratitude with actions but also with words.

If done correctly, expressing gratitude in your relationship could lead to the growth of your romantic bond and overall happier life (because everyone wants a happy relationship).

Here are some fun ways – or at least uncommon ones – that you can show gratitude in your own unique way:

1. Write them a love song. You don’t have to be Beyonce or Bruno Mars to come up with lyrics about how much you love them! If anything, this will express exactly how they feel without having to put those three words into a sentence!

2. Leave them random notes with treats hidden in an envelope. This will be a big surprise that says, “Hey, I’m thinking of you!” without having to put into words what’s on your heart.

3. Put together a photo album or scrapbook of memories. Not just ones of you two, but also memories you had individually growing up and how they led to the relationship you’re in today. We can all admit pictures are worth more than 1,000 words – so show them precisely why they mean so much to you!

4. Make their favorite meal one night (or baked goods!), even if it drives you crazy. It’ll be worth it to see the joy on their face as you present them with their favorite dish!

5. Take them on an unexpected date night to somewhere fun. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just something they wouldn’t normally do! 

6. Put together a small gift basket with some of their favorite treats and candy (like conversation hearts, which can be used to start meaningful conversations

If any of these ideas appeal to you, give them a try today! Use the #Powerof4A so we can give you a shoutout on our social media pages.  Showing gratitude not only makes someone feel great on the inside but also helps strengthen bonds within relationships day by day.

The post Fun Ways to Show Gratitude in your relationship appeared first on Greg and Cheryl | Couple Motivators.